i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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