So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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