I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can't motorboat a personality
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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