we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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