I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
