I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish my penis had an off switch
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
