R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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