You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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