She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
