if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
