I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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