i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
