I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
