you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
