Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
3pm strippers are depressing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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