after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
