he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't deserve a penis
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
