the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
