she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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