Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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