but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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