Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
