I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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