drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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