I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
