I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
