Can i not drive my cunt home
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
