I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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