Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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