Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
