i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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