Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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