He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
