OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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