shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
