I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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