i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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