I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
