please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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