The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
