just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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