I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
