I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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