My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
