ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
