bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
