So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
