Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
