I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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