I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
