I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
