I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
